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The Cat in the Hat is not ANY of That
Thing 1 and Thing 2 would just like to say
While we revel in mayhem, it's all done in play
But the studio suits have got nary a clue
And now our fun fishbowl is gloomy and blue
Go back to the book, go back to the 'toon
But don't see the movie, unless you're a loon.
They're stealing your money, they've ruined our fun
Someone hand us a sword -- there should be only one!
And, clearly, at this point, it's time for us to stop before we do as much
insult to Dr. Seuss's memory as this movie. Which we were not consulted
about, and just look at the result.
Still, while the movie's a travesty, and the way Seuss's heirs have sold
him out is shameful beyond description (especially after how incredibly
careful he was during his lifetime in granting adaptation rights, resulting
in some of the best cartoons of our childhood), who can help but enjoy the
Seussian reviews this disaster has inspired? Certainly not us Things!
So, we share the following with you all:
"You'll watch with a sneer and a throb in your head.
You'll watch and you'll sit there and wish you were dead."
-Scott Weinberg Efilmcritic.com
"There once was a book called The Cat in the Hat.
You've probably read it, and loved it at that.
But now it's a film and boy, is it rank,
Made just to put cash in the studio's bank."
--Chris Vognar, The Dallas Morning News
" Too stupid for grown-ups, too gross for the tots,
the movie was really upsetting me -- lots.
And all I could do was to sit. Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!
I did not like this movie, not one little bit."
--Sean P. Means, The Salt Lake Tribune
"Yes, the Cat now has mojo — yeah, baby, groovy!
Except he goes “OH yeah!” instead in this movie.
What’s next? Will the Sneetches get wild and crazy?
Will the Lorax get jiggy with Daisy-Head Mayzie?"
--Steven D. Greydanus, Decent Films Guide
And, most important of all...
"So here’s what I say,
this is my hook.
You’d be better off reading
your children the book."
--Bob Bloom, Journal and Courier
While we revel in mayhem, it's all done in play
But the studio suits have got nary a clue
And now our fun fishbowl is gloomy and blue
Go back to the book, go back to the 'toon
But don't see the movie, unless you're a loon.
They're stealing your money, they've ruined our fun
Someone hand us a sword -- there should be only one!
And, clearly, at this point, it's time for us to stop before we do as much
insult to Dr. Seuss's memory as this movie. Which we were not consulted
about, and just look at the result.
Still, while the movie's a travesty, and the way Seuss's heirs have sold
him out is shameful beyond description (especially after how incredibly
careful he was during his lifetime in granting adaptation rights, resulting
in some of the best cartoons of our childhood), who can help but enjoy the
Seussian reviews this disaster has inspired? Certainly not us Things!
So, we share the following with you all:
"You'll watch with a sneer and a throb in your head.
You'll watch and you'll sit there and wish you were dead."
-Scott Weinberg Efilmcritic.com
"There once was a book called The Cat in the Hat.
You've probably read it, and loved it at that.
But now it's a film and boy, is it rank,
Made just to put cash in the studio's bank."
--Chris Vognar, The Dallas Morning News
" Too stupid for grown-ups, too gross for the tots,
the movie was really upsetting me -- lots.
And all I could do was to sit. Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!
I did not like this movie, not one little bit."
--Sean P. Means, The Salt Lake Tribune
"Yes, the Cat now has mojo — yeah, baby, groovy!
Except he goes “OH yeah!” instead in this movie.
What’s next? Will the Sneetches get wild and crazy?
Will the Lorax get jiggy with Daisy-Head Mayzie?"
--Steven D. Greydanus, Decent Films Guide
And, most important of all...
"So here’s what I say,
this is my hook.
You’d be better off reading
your children the book."
--Bob Bloom, Journal and Courier